Learn to minimize your fear and to embrace disappointment as cheerfully and positively as possible. Count on people to fail you. Plan on people never coming through. You are going to have to fight your way through all on your own. One thing you can count on is people not showing up when you need them. Don't look at people's unreliability pessimistically, just vow to never be like them yourself. If you build people's failures into your success strategy, you will not be caught off guard by surprises. And, when and if someone ever comes through, you can rejoice in the rare blessing of that event! Be continually surprised by people, rather than being continually let down.
If you want anything meaningful in life, you need to be that meaningful thing. You keep waiting to meet an amazing new person, a friend, a life partner or a business partner — people who share your values. Then when you meet that special person, you may put them on a pedestal, where there is nowhere to go but down, so they disappoint you. But really, it was you who disappointed yourself with your expectancy. Maybe they disappear after a short time, or it fizzles out. But often we are the cause; it us us who again disappointed ourselves. Too often, we push people away with these unreasonable expectations. If you do this in your life, it is because you just couldn't let them be human, because you don't accept your own humanity. You wouldn't let them be real because you aren't real. You think people are disappointing, but maybe it's you who are disappointing people all the time, and you don't even know it. Sometimes people vanish because we vanished — we expected them to act as we act, to be as generous as we believe we are generous, to be as excited as we are excited. Where we think they failed, perhaps we failed them. In many cases, it is just plain and simple fear that destroys our best opportunities. Fear can cause us to suspect people don't like us, which can lead to insecurity, cynicism, negative thinking and unjust actions. Sadly, what we fear we often bring upon ourselves. Start with the simple practice of believing what you want is possible for yourself. It may take time, but everything positive will spring from that one simple practice.
It's ok to want friends. It's ok to want opportunities. It's ok to want to be acknowledged; to be noticed, appreciated, accepted and understood. Everyone needs to be heard. But when you are frustrated waiting for these things to arrive, instead of getting angry or impatient that they are not happening — give them to someone else. Notice someone. Share your appreciation. Accept someone. Earnestly listen to someone who's in need of acknowledgement. It is by withholding what you deeply need from others, that you keep it from yourself. When you put your needs into service in the lives of others, your needs will then be met. And don't forget to give to yourself what you want from others. The love and attention you always thought you wanted from someone else, is the love and attention you first need to give to yourself.
Are you waiting for the right time to take your life to the next level? That time is right now. Are you waiting for the right time to create a special moment with your loved ones? That time is right now. Are you waiting for the right time to follow a passion or dream? That time is right now. It's a hard truth to understand that sometimes tomorrow never comes, especially if you are waiting for it. Everything in life awaits your engagement. Opportunities, friends, soul-mates, being appreciated and finding a purpose are all acts of intention and engagement, not things you simply find.
If you want good things to happen in your life you have to believe good things are possible for yourself. Quit allowing negative and cynical thinking to steal the good life you deserve. Quit assuming you are finished. You are not finished or washed-up. Maybe you are just beginning. Quit comparing yourself to others; to both their fortune and misfortune. Their life is not your life anyway; you have your own life to live. Don't harbor resentment because some appear to be doing better than you, or guilt because others appear to be doing worse. Resentment and guilt are commonly and closely tied to worthiness issues and are not constructive in the long-term. They may be useful — like all emotions — but not as a platform for building a positive and healthy life. Prolonged feelings of resentment and guilt will block your opportunities from arriving. Focus on your own development. Try to manage your own suffering with as much dignity as possible. Try to carry both your burdens and successes with calm and centeredness. Open yourself to the possibility that your challenges, no matter what they may be, are the most honest and giving expressions of life you will ever know.
Quit assuming others have it better, or you have it worse. Everyone suffers tremendously in life. It's rude to belittle someone's suffering, thinking yours is greater. Don't judge someone's suffering as better or worse. A painful life can be lived brightly, because pain gifted that person with great perspective and wisdom. An average and easy life can be its own kind of tragedy; suffering a mundane deadness. A great life can spoil under its great fortune. It's hard having nothing. It's hard having everything. It's hard. Suffering is very personal and cannot be measured by someone from the outside. Everyone suffers in different ways. Life is not a suffering contest; the contest is for compassion. We all suffer, and for that reason we need to act with compassion toward others and ourselves. We need to love ourselves. Love softens the hardest edges of life's tumult.
Let me explain exactly why there are people, institutions and forces who are actively trying to use fear to persuade you that you are weak; it is because you are staggeringly POWERFUL! People have forgotten how powerful they are; they have been distracted, and a bit domesticated, at least on the surface. If you have forgotten yourself, allow me the pleasure of reminding you. Do you think a mountain lion is powerful and dangerous? Let me tell you something — you are dangerous. A human being is infinitely more powerful and dangerous than a mountain lion. Your will, your mind, your heart, your body; your total intelligence orchestrated into one razor-focused determination IS the hungry eye of the tiger. There is a fierce concentration inside of you; dormant — it is in your blood. It is the strength of your ancestors. It is the hammer and anvil of eons which struck the hardened steel of your spirit into a weapon of survival. You are a weapon. People deny their own strength because they are afraid of their own strength. Whether it's a corrupt government or an abusive lover, those who seek to control you want you to forget your strength, because they are afraid of you. And they should be afraid. In you is the terrible power to lay waste to a dark enemy in the resistance of evil. In you is the glorious power to heal, to love and to protect what is virtuous and honorable in life. Your awesome strength is a guardian and champion for all manner of good to prevail. In your hands and words are both the power of healing and destruction. When the false-voice of doubt starts whispering in your darkest hours, let the other voice, the voice of ages, which speaks through time to give you life answer back with your defiant, awakened resolve. Awaken to your power; the power to live, the power to overcome and the power to survive the challenges presently before you.
You cannot always trust your inner-voice. Often, your inner-voice is not really yours. You are not who you think you are; you are someone else's ideas. If you are unaware that you have been severely conditioned from birth, then you have been conditioned right out of your own mind. A great deal of fear has been intentionally put into people. Fear is like a virus you can transmit with words. Once fear has been ingested by your consciousness it can paralyze your mind and even cause physical illness. Fear is a common tool of control. We are so immersed in fear that we have accepted it as normal. It is often invisible. But the signs are there if you look for them: anxiety, uneasiness and a malaise of nagging feelings that things are not right — and always, always — the voice. The false-voice loves to create confusion and interrupt common sense. The false-voice portrays timidity as safety. The false-voice presents meekness and sheepishness as civility. The false-voice speaks of consequence but never of constitution. The false-voice whispers of loss and regret, but never of the hidden beauty in the moment. The false-voice ruminates over jealousy and makes you insecure. When you are feeling strong, the false-voice reminds you of past ordeals, and takes you back to re-live the anxiety and trauma, over and over. Some call this voice, the Devil. Some call it limiting-beliefs or insecurity; endless chatter that you are no-good, incapable, inadequate, undeserving or unlucky. In psychology, they may associate it with a negative Jungian animus or a malicious Freudian superego. Whatever the dark bastard is, we all know that awful voice. The false-voice is a master doubt-whisperer. The false voice is a world-class liar with one mission; to show you your brief moments of fragility and persuade you that you are forever weak.
A calm mind at peace is the most effective tool. We do not have control over what happens to us in life, but we do have control over how we chose to respond to those situations, and that is so empowering and wonderful. When you are worried, it is at that moment you must choose to not worry at all, freeing your creative mind and spirit to solve your problems instead.
When the dark clouds of doubt, anger or worry begin to move upon you, steady yourself in the knowledge that in time, the storm will pass. Emotions are transient and temporary. But, the more one has engaged in a particular pattern of thought, the more difficult it becomes to override these habitual patterns, which is why it is very important for you to immediately begin using your power of choice, to feed the good wolf, or the higher-mind. Habit can be your worst enemy, or your best friend. Over time, one can habituate their mind to higher vibrational thought patterns. The mind can be habituated to feelings of compassion, gentleness, empathy, and even calmness and confidence in the face of uncertainty and tribulation. Your future begins with your next thought. Even now as you read this, the power is completely yours. The next second belongs to you, and no one can control how you choose to think at any time. No one can make you feel any certain way. Only you choose how you feel or how you react to the situations of life. This is a most empowering concept. Worrying is a victim's state of mind. Worry is the opposite of power. Worrying is a state of helplessness, weakness, and victimization. Choice is the antidote to worry, because in that moment of worry, you can choose to respond to the situation with confidence, faith, surrender, and humility. You can choose at that moment to commission your mind, which was previously subdued by the debilitating thoughts of worry, into the service of formulating solutions you need to free yourself from your troubles. Your mind wants to work for you! Allow your mind to serve you. This is mindfulness — observing your mind and taking control over where it places its attention.
