Even when people are clearly toxic and abusive, people will argue over cutting them off and getting them out of their life. You don't need a reason to move someone out of your life. A person doesn't need to be toxic to get rid of them. You can get rid of any person for any reason. It doesn't matter if they are a saint. If you don't like their "vibe" or you are uncomfortable, or feeling that they are out-of-sync with your life path, you have the right to let them go. Being a gatekeeper in your own life is crucial. Who you ally yourself with is always the paramount consideration of your life. Learning to move people out the rings of your concentric circles quickly and neatly is a vital skill. Protect your energy and reserve the nucleus of your inner-circle for those with whom you share a rare destiny. There is hardly anything more limiting or more empowering than who you allow to stay in your life. Get over the guilt or be a slave to guilt; it's your choice.
It's not judging to have eyes. It's not judging to know something. You don't have to walk in someone else's shoes to see they are about to walk off a cliff. If you see someone about to walk off a cliff, yell and stop them. You can judge in service without out a haughty or arrogant heart. You were born to judge just as you were born to think. Your whole life is a series of judgements and adjustments. Don't let people batter you from the bully-pulpit about judging to the point that you suppress your common sense. They are not holier than you because they call their judging "discernment." Don't listen to "non-judgers," who judge your judgement; it's hypocritical hogwash. We judge people constantly. We were born to judge. You can judge a behaviour without condemning a soul. Someone's salvation is out of your jurisdiction but once they have opened their mouth the invitation to judge is irretractable. People often use the "judgement card" to hide when you are getting too close to the truth for comfort. Hang on to your judgement. Good judgement will keep you safe. Good judgement can and does save lives. Don't be afraid of your rightful power to judge others. Judging is one of your most powerful tools you have to protect those you care about, and yourself, from harm.
No one wants to give-up on someone they love, but sometimes we are forced to make hard decisions by extraordinary suffering. It's easy to judge, or say, "never-give-up," until you have been there. Eventually, you begin to realize that life is too short and your powers to teach, influence or heal are limited. You finally accept that their emptiness, pain, and dysfunction requires more than you have to give. You can't hand your whole life and soul over to someone who doesn't even care about their own. You can only hold-the-line for someone hell-bent on self-destruction for so long, but when you start getting rope burns on your hands, you have to let go. You also must be careful fighting someone else's demons — it may awaken your own! Some of the people we adore most — like the moth to the flame — are going to destroy themselves. Their attraction to their inevitable undoing is heartbreaking to watch, and something you will never understand. As much as you love someone, you can't make their decisions or live their life for them. They must make the hard decisions all on their own. In many cases, the disaster is already in play; it's in motion because of their past actions, and now the consequences are coming, and there is nothing you can do about it. It hurts to watch. It is awful. Letting go is an excruciating heartbreak; mourning the death of what once was. If you did let someone go, and you still have guilt because of it, it's time to forgive yourself and begin to heal. If it is time to let someone go, for their sake, or for yours, then this may be your confirmation.
On one hand, you should have deep respect for the intrinsic value of each soul as an equal being of divine creation. Hold each person in your mind with reverence, respect and high regard. On the other hand you have to recognize that some of these beings, while deserving of respect at a fundamental level, are absolute disasters who will bring a calamity of misfortune into your life — if you allow it. Some people are damaged like abused animals; skittish, un-trusting, reactive, unpredictable and dangerous. They have been abused, and they will hurt you, even with the best of intentions. If you have a clear mind and peaceful life, it is very easy to spot one of these injured people. You can still love and admire the intrinsic value and beauty of all people without absorbing their toxicity and insanity. Let eternity weigh the intrinsic value of their souls, while you just get away from them. Respecting others has nothing to do with allowing them to destroy you.
There is a difference between loyalty and bondage. There is a difference between faithfulness and fearfulness. There is a difference between being devoted and being dominated. The difference is called freedom, it is all the difference in the world. This is your life and you get to choose what is acceptable in your relationships with absolute authority. Don't give your authority to someone who will abuse your trust. If you have mistakenly entrusted your authority to an abuser; revoke and reclaim your power now. You are the supreme authority in your own life, and you have the final word.
We are told to love people unconditionally, but sometimes we must get rid of people unconditionally. Some people just keep slithering and oozing in through the cracks in your resolve; they refuse to respect your boundaries. No more mixed messages. You must learn how to close a door permanently. Cut, cauterize and never give them another thought. Monstrous sociopath-like disengagement is your right. Your life is worth more. Don't waste another minute. Let them say you are awful. Block, ban, delete and disconnect. Do whatever you must to take care of yourself and don't you dare ever feel guilty.
Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don't carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don't lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!
This is your chance at life — right now. How will you choose to live it? Fettered away by agonizing drama, stress, fear, worry and endless nonsense? Or, savored in a deep and meaningful exploration of rich experiences, passions, people, and wonderment? Each day the choice is yours to choose. Be brave and choose wisely!
Maybe you need to remind a few people to step back and have a little patience. Maybe you don't have the words and just want to tell them you are a work in progress and are doing the best you can. Maybe their harsh judgments aren't helping! Maybe your difficult circumstances plus the stress of their negativity is the very thing standing between your success and failure. Perhaps they are even right about some of their criticisms, but their constant negativity is poisoning your best efforts to change. If they are right about some things, then give it as much positive consideration as possible. You will never recover from what you refuse to accept. Healing begins with acknowledgement. But also acknowledge that the unhealthy relationship must also change. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, bravely acknowledge it and then begin to take the steps to do something about it.
We often think of oppression in terms of tyrants, but it most often comes from the institutions, philosophies, and people closest to us. Most oppression is near and dear. Next time your spouse or partner abusively criticizes you, or says you are worthless, not good enough, stupid or inadequate — tell them that if it is true, to consider that those alleged deficiencies could be what prevented you from getting a better mate. They say they can't stand your behaviour, but really, they can't stand themselves. People like this often criticize you from the position of being the "wiser" or "stronger" person, who they claim are only trying to "help" you. If they really were strong they wouldn't yell, they would reassure. If they were really strong they wouldn't put you down, they would lift you up. Maybe you're the one who is really strong. Maybe they just want to hold you back. Maybe it's time to stand-up for yourself!
