Sometimes we have trouble letting go of the past so that we can forgive ourselves. Finding inner-resolution can be even more complicated when the past we are trying to free ourselves from involves having hurt someone. At times, all of us have been the wrongdoers or have somehow been neglectful, which comes with its own unique suffering. This seems to be the mandate of the conscience: when we harm others we harm ourselves; when we help others we help ourselves. When we have harmed someone or disappointed them, they may be angry with us and it's natural for us to feel anguish over this. But don't have unreasonable or excessive guilt. Guilt can interfere with our desires to move forward, to heal properly and to become a person who has the mental health and means of proper recompense.
Self-doubts, feeling unworthy, rejection, and past injuries can churn in us with a low-boil of anxiety. Who would you be without your self-judgments and the baggage of your past mistakes in tow with you at all times? Learning your lesson from a mistake is healthy, but living forever in the emotions of your past mistakes is toxic and debilitating. The problem with traumatic, high-stress experiences is that they often create negative beliefs about oneself such as being powerless, unlovable, undeserving, unsafe and that things are unchangeable. Sometimes we resist letting go because we just can't see a way to move forward — believing things can never change for someone as unworthy as us. Be careful not to identify yourself with your past — you have a past, but it is not who you are today.
Have you ever felt like you are stuck on an emotional treadmill — reenacting past injuries and losses or visualizing potential future problems? How many times have you imagined going back to a painful moment in time and "doing things" differently? How many times have you rehearsed a trauma from the past, playing out imaginary solutions, only to re-live your painful emotions over and over again? While some people can adjust and move past their traumas, others do not respond as well. Under pressure, they may even inaccurately feel they are in danger again, even when they are safe.
There is hardly anything more agonizing than holding-on to memories of our painful past experiences. We all make mistakes, but one of our biggest mistakes is continually revisiting the past. We have all suffered losses and pain, but no loss is greater than a life lost holding-on to a painful past. When we can't let go of the past, painful moments accumulate in us; metastasizing in our consciousness like an emotional cancer. Whether a painful wrong was done to us, or we have guilt for our own wrongdoings or mistakes, we must seek to make peace with these moments and move forward.
When we are touched by humility we awaken to a moment of gratitude where we are free from our unpleasant pasts, and free from the torture of future expectations. Humility feels like a thankful-awareness of the present moment. Humility is patient because it is neither past nor forward seeking — it is content. Accept your present opportunities; the pleasant and the painful, which are both seeking to perfect you. Humility adds lessons to our pain and suffering, turning the seemingly senseless into meaning. You only have a chance right now, in this moment — but only through humility.
Each person was meant to blossom into their own unique signature of greatness. Not being great is a form of extreme arrogance. If you were genuinely humble you would be great, because humility would never squander the magnificent gift of life and its fullest opportunities. It takes humility to accept responsibility for the mantle of greatness in your birthright and to become all you can be in life. Real humility is graceful power, not a mandate to be victimized and abused. If you are really humble you will put yourself first when you need to take care of you. A humble person would not put themselves last by not taking care of themselves, because that would be treating your sacred life poorly and carelessly — which is arrogant to life, not humble. Maybe you aren't humble at all; maybe you are self-suppressed and don't know it. Have you been playing the role of a victim long after your negative experience? If so, stop! Quit pretending to be a victim when you are really just a self-abusing, emotional-drama junkie. If you are guilty of this then stop-it now! It seems that some people are so addicted to their misery that they will destroy anything that gets in the way of their fix. Don't be that person. A person who is humble would never be abusive or selfish; so don't abuse yourself or selfishly withhold self-love or self-care. You are the first person you should treat with humility. Respect yourself; gather your strength and let it overflow to others.
In your tragedies you will find your most magnificent opportunities for rebirth. It is through our pain that we emerge. Change comes from confrontation. You have to confront yourself or be confronted. The timidness some people call "humility" is often just a fear of confronting painful inner-truths, but honest and painful self-dialogue is essential for growth. Real spirituality is about getting the bullshit out of your life and getting real. Real humility knows how to slam a door closed and say no more. You can't be humble without self-love. Humility is not weak, powerless, faint, a pushover, a punching bag or an abuse magnet, because above all — humility cares.
Acceptance is the road to all change. If resisting has failed and frustrated you, try to accept what is. As hard as it is to believe, acceptance can open different opportunities for change than resistance. Struggling can sometimes swallow us even deeper into the quicksand of our problems. Difficult problems take time to resolve. The more frantically you pick at knots, the more entangled they can become. To untangle yourself try relaxing. Gently and patiently work with your difficulties and in time you will be freed from what now seems impossible. You are being called to heal yourself, not to agonize over your mistakes. Quit overthinking; this is what surrendering really means. Don't focus on your problems and don't obsess about "fixing" things. Avoid forcing "positive thinking." These thoughts can be psychological irritants. Just leave yourself alone! When you pick at things, they never heal. Simply relax and give yourself some time.
People love to say everything will be okay, but sometimes it's just not true. Sometimes you hit a brick wall, a limit, a point of exhaustion, a boundary or your last straw. You may feel so strong and have every good intention, and yet you still get mercilessly beaten down and defeated. You just can't win them all, and when that time comes you will have to accept it. To not accept a defeat is to be defeated again and again without mercy. Sometimes mercy is simple acceptance. If you are exhausted or defeated, sometimes mercy is letting go.
All beautiful things carry distinctions of imperfection. Your wounds and imperfections are your beauty. Like Kintsugi, the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold, we are all perfectly imperfect. Breakage and mending are honest parts of a past which should not be hidden. Your wounds and healing are a part of your history; a part of who you are. Every beautiful thing is damaged. You are that beauty; we all are.
