It takes emotional bravery to forgive. It takes a huge determination toward self-care to let go of painful past events and not let them define your future.
It is easy to hold a grudge. It is easy to blame. But these narratives are a perpetuation of the role of a powerless victim. When you hold grudges the victimization continues.
Boundaries are an essential part of forgiveness.
Forgiving cuts the cord — freeing you — and leaves the abuser with the full weight of their deeds and fate, and whether they accept their responsibility or not, you are no longer dependent on their participation for your healing.
Forgiving breaks the unhealthy bonds between you and your abuser-victim relationship, and redefines you as an independent victor in your own life.
Forgiveness has nothing whatsoever to do with how wrong someone else was; no matter how evil, cruel, narcissistic or unrepentant they are. When you forgive a person, you break the ties with their ill deeds that keep you in anguish.
Forgiveness originates with self-love. Forgiveness is always and absolutely for you.
You have the power within yourself to find closure and healing, but not through bitterness, wrath and smoldering resentment.
Closure is an act of sanity you bring to the table of your own healing, it is not a handout your abuser holds over you that you need.
Whatever you do — don't wait to forgive someone until they apologize, ask for your forgiveness or even acknowledge they have harmed you. If you are waiting for someone to acknowledge they hurt you, you could be waiting forever and it puts them in the power position, where you need something from them in order to move forward in your life.
